The alternative newspaper in Key West got a new publisher, and I got invited to an interview for Sales Manager. Japhy rode shotgun, scouting locations for his new futon factory. On the road, the un-resignation of the previous Sales Manager was accepted. Adjourning to Barefoot Bob's on Duval for a beer, we were welcomed by Kathy, who shared how she and Bob came to run their joint and suggested moving down anyway. This daring notion made absolutely no sense, and I loved it.
Before a job interview a few weeks later, a familiar voice gave the legal ID on the classic rock station playing in my car. Driving to the station, I filled out an application for a gig in radio sales, listing David from 93QFM (who did the station's imaging) as a reference. I got home to a message on the machine directing me to report for work the next day.
Six weeks later, the GM got caught with her hand in the till, and the owner asked me to take the helm. Three managers before me promised raises that never came. The talented crew was at their limit, so to distance myself from those three lyin' bastards, I took the team out for dinner. Thanking them all for their service after the meal, I fired 'em right where they sat!
My salary was $20K less than my predecessor, but my plan would make all that back and more, including more loot for them. Meetings and arguments were outlawed, and a written "dream job" description was my only re-hiring requirement.
"This mission is not for the weak! Brody (the owner) is unaware of any branding or formatting changes. Putting cash in the bank from increased sales before anyone learns what we're up to is a pirate move, pure forgiveness instead of permission. I'm asking you to trust me to increase sales, then make things right for you. That's a lot for me to ask, having just fired y'all. Are ya with me?"
Cautious grins gave way to smiles and cheers as glasses were raised and turned. "It sounds like we have an accord." With their commitment to having more fun going forward, I revealed the plan to hijack the station:
Rebranding: Classic Rock 98.7 would become The Ozone 98.7. The Lee Monster would re-image the station, and I'd handle graphics in-house.
Reformatting: Dano, our Music Director, would add grunge, industrial, thrash, and punk to the core of classic rock and blues.
Rebuilding: Growing revenue and getting raises for the crew was my wheelhouse.
The station's first operations manual was created from those dream job descriptions. The crew ironed out differences and established best practices. Dano reached out to expand the music library and score merch for on-air promotions. We began booking annual advertising contracts, a good mix of cash and in-kind. Already the best-sounding station on the rock, the on-air staff turned it up to eleven.
Mornings were handled by RJ, a surfer into inline hockey. Kim was a beautiful bookworm who loved writing as much as she loved rocking our middays. Dano After Dark took over in the evening, with a merry band of misfits, interns, and part-timers holding down overnights and weekends. Listeners remember them as The G-Man, Psycho Larry, Lady Di, Iron Mike, Opie, Windsong, Vato Man, Tyrone, and Brian.
An ill wind blew down from New York, bringing us Brother Kent, previously a live-traffic reporter for Don Imus. RJ graciously moved to PM Drive, and Key West met Uncle Rog, the faithful sidekick on the Lethal Breakfast Morning Program. Key West got the full spectrum of news four times each morning, over The Hellcasters' cover of The Peter Gunn Theme, in three minutes and forty seconds.
We tested the limits of good taste in Key West, which is saying a mouthful. Honored to serve as Director of Wireless Affairs for the Conch Republic, we conspired with the Secretary-General, Sir Peter Peter, to create our Lemmingway Days Celebration. Several shenanigans made it to The Travelers TV program on The Discovery Channel. Broadcasting from the Comedy Central offices in NYC for a week, we helped to beta-test promo ideas before a nationwide roll-out.
When Brody passed away, his family sold the station, but not to me. A corporation replaced us all with an automated, lite jazz format. For weeks, listeners sent letters to the editor of the Key West Citizen that read like obituaries, mourning the loss of The Ozone. Doubling the revenue made it easier for the soulless son-of-a-broadcaster to sell the station, leaving me to sign 17 pink slips.
OOMM 2.0 began serving former radio clients from an expanded smörgasbörd. My Epson PC 500, perhaps the first digital camera on the island, shortened used-car-ad turnaround for the GM/Nissan dealer and snapped the mugshot for your Barefoot Bob's Frequent Flyer card. Creating some of Key West's first web pages under contract to the Citizen, I also produced a web video for Turtle Kraals Restaurant ... in glorious 480p!
An ill wind named Hurricane Jorge blew through the keys, and the cleanup put a kink in my cash flow. Thumbing through the Miami Herald to see what was shakin' on the mainland, a Magic City manufacturer was looking for help selling' hot rods.
