Milwaukee's alternative newspaper, The Shepherd Express, struggled to publish biweekly, using the first Apple LaserWriter sold in Milwaukee. Production Manager Jeff taught me a lot, including graphic design and page layout basics on the Mac. Creating my own ads shortened the sales process, permitting me to sell more ads weekly.
Jessica, the Sales Manager, taught me her presentation-based process for selling print advertising. My sales helped turn red ink into black, eventually permitting weekly publication. Jessica surprised everyone by accepting an offer for a better gig, contingent upon my stumbling up and taking the helm.
Sales continued to grow on my watch, jumping when J. Marie reached out from a PR firm in Minneapolis to school me on free movie ticket giveaways. They jumped again when I hornswoggled our way into a pay-per-call / classified beta test. While working out the details of a promotion with radio station 93QFM, their Promo Director, Mark, challenged me to sell radio advertising.
Cold-calling on commission is like waking up unemployed every morning. Each unsolicited sales call required knowledge of the prospect's business, radio advertising schedules, Arbitron ratings, advertising rates, and more. Before turning me loose, QFM would invest in my melon.
First, a week of mentoring from the first billionaire in Texas, Walter "Bitsy" Hailey. Then training about different business types and how to effectively create and present schedules to those businesses from Chris. The third time was a charm. Finally, QFM Production Manager, David, taught me how to write ad copy, from simple announcements to "theatre of the mind" productions.
Transformed into a mercenary with a ballpoint pen, I was soon hashing out ideas with prospects on cold calls, often drafting ads and ad-libbing character voices on the spot. Despite making some sales, my Sales Manager, Errol, felt I lacked the savvy to handle the local drag strip owner, Broadway Bob.
Creating the presentation that I wanted to deliver, General Manager Kris discovered a copy on my desk and endorsed it. Right from the handshake, the banter between Errol and Bob was contentious. Like an old married couple, they went back and forth until lunch arrived. Pushing my porridge aside, I put my presentation in its place, and as my elders began to eat, it was showtime for me. "Before you two resume hostilities..."
"Ratings, rates, and playlists only tell part of the story. 93QFM has been my radio station since I drove down in a blizzard for an interview at American TV. A listener long before I worked there, your ads elsewhere won't reach me because I ripped off the knob years ago. But dig this, I'm your customer too, Bob.
"Ratings, rates, and playlists only tell part of the story. 93QFM has been my radio station since I drove down in a blizzard for an interview at American TV. I was a listener long before working there, and your ads running elsewhere won't reach me cuz I ripped off the knob years ago. But dig this, I'm your customer too, Bob.
"Ran 10:86 with a small block," Bob recalled. The photo album gave way to the presentation underneath with details on radio ad schedules, on-air ticket giveaways, and tie-ins to station events like Cruisin' with Q, the annual burnout contest held in front of the studio. "This season, deal with a radio rep who knows why your customers buy cuz he is one. Me." Bob closed the sale by asking to meet at the track the following week to review all the details in detail.
Radio advertising sales to other event promotors, retailers, bars & restaurants quickly followed. David shared production techniques with me, and I began voicing ads. My book of business steadily grew until the fateful day my beeper went off twice. On the second beep, I got an offer I couldn't refuse.
Kingpin at The Comedy Warehouse was Mark, a shadowy figure in Milwaukee media who shanghaied me to write and produce comedy bits for syndication to radio stations. CW Media was an advertising agency that operated as a thinly-veiled front for a radio comedy syndicate!
My digital switchboard experience was needed to pull off Drinkin' for Jesus, Mark's marketing plan for 80-plus Catholic parish festivals. We gave away a Ford Escort and introduced Tyson chicken patties to the market. Clients like Great Lakes Dragaway followed me to Mark's shop, almost doubling his annual billing.
Delighted with their results, Tyson Chicken ordered more work. Despite Mark adding two more to his crew, this looked like less time for me with my clients. The mere thought of the collar of corporate oppression (a.k.a. necktie), required for all Tyson meetings, caused preemptive chafing, prompting me to ask the most American question of all:
Should I quit my day job?
