Learning more from my shenanigans than from four years of fancy book learning, I returned to Chicago from the god-forsaken hinterlands with a high school diploma, a particular set of skills, and the ability to think like a pirate. 

Shenanigans continued at marketing mercenary gigs in retail, manufacturing, and media. Ordained as a minister twice before starting my religion, I’m also reviving the only political party that ever made sense and teaching stark, raving capitalists how to think like pirates.

My captain’s log, The Life and Times of Grizzled Adman, grows as statutes of limitation expire. T-shirts and merch with my designs continue to amuse, inform, and/or annoy, inspiring others to think like pirates.